What is motherhood? Is it the never-ending pile of dishes? The urge to pick up those random piles that your kids leave on every available surface? Or somehow having enough laundry to do a load every single day? It might feel that way some days (or most days), but according to these two moms, the real meaning actually has nothing to do with household chores (phew!).
On the podcast “Lean In With Lizzy,” host Lizzy Jensen chatted with social media strategist Michelle Gifford about being a mom and entrepreneur.
“I was too often confusing what it was to be a caretaker to my kids with motherhood, and what that actually is,” Gifford said. “Because, motherhood is a relationship with my kids.”
Since her husband works full time out of the house, Gifford is the primary caregiver for her children. But, she says that the things she does in that role aren’t the things that make up motherhood.
“I get to decide what parts of the caretaking role I can outsource out,” Gifford explained, sharing that she hires a high schooler to help clean up around the house.
“When I first thought about this, I thought people were going to judge me because I’m not cleaning my own house,” she said.
Jensen echoed the sentiment.
“I don’t fold my own laundry, and people are like, I’m not really giving the love my children deserve,” she said.
Some can be quick to judge when parents reach out to their village (or pay) for assistance, under the assumption that, if they’re not doing the housework, they’re not properly caring for their children. But, Gifford argues that housework is a job, and like any job, it can be outsourced – and, it would be poor parenting to let it get in the way of making genuine emotional connections with your kids.
“You could be just as distracted as mom getting all those things done as you could in any other job,” Gifford said.
“You may not have a relationship with your kids but you’re washing your dishes because ‘I’m being a good mom,’” she added.
Plenty of commenters agreed with Gifford.
“I love this so much,” one user said. “When I was a young working mom, I had so much hate from even my own family that I hired a cleaner and had a nanny. Now I’m a divorced mom and I don’t even get to see my kids half of their life, but I am a 100% better mother because of the relationship I have with my kids.”
“I had such a lightbulb moment when my 9 year old said you never do anything fun,” another user said. “’You’re always doing laundry or cleaning.’ My heart dropped and it was at that moment that I prioritized playing board games over dishes!”
“Fathers don’t seem to have their fatherhood discounted if they don’t do all of the vacuuming themselves. 😉” another added.
And, great point!
However, some commenters did note that being able to outsource housework to make more time for the kids is a privilege.
“Be careful! Not all women can financially hire someone to clean their house or fold their laundry,” one user said.
The lesson we can take away from Gifford, no matter our ability to hire a housekeeper, is that the quality of time spent with their kids is what matters. They deserve to have moments with you where they know they come before your job, whatever form that work might take.